Pursuing your dreams

After putting my daughter down for a nap, Harriet the Spy starring Michelle Trachtenberg came on the television. I started watching it when a childhood memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't believe I'm writing this because it's so embarrassing, but the truth must prevail in order to get an accurate assessment of what a silly girl I was. In the movie, Harriet had a notebook where she wrote about her classmates because Golly (played by Rosie O' Donnell), her nanny/friend, told her that if she wanted to be a writer that she should take notes, or rather write her thoughts down. As with any written word, they were soon read by her classmates which in turn made her into an outcast due to the contents of her notebook. Being inspired by the movie, I had my own notebook as well, just like Harriet, which ended up being read by my classmates. Gee, I wonder why I didn't see that coming. (I'm being sarcastic if you didn't know) Oh gosh, silly of me I know. I was a very foolish girl growing up. I actually started writing poems and short stories since I was in 2nd grade. Once I was able to read and write, I immersed myself into a world of fantasy that I created with my imagination. I believe that contributed to my awkward silliness as well as the absence of guidance of an adult after school hours. Yes, I was one of those latchkey children. I had way too much time to myself.

There was no doubt I wanted to be a writer/author of some sort and publish my work one day. Watching that movie for the first time solidified my desire to be a writer. It was my goal from that day forward to "hone" my writing skills. Now I know I am by far NOT a great writer like some people I have a pleasure to know and people that I don't know personally, but have been able to read their work. I remember the day so clearly in my head when my goal and dream of being a writer flew out the window. It was one evening after dinner where my mother and I had a conversation about what I thought would be a great career for my little sister. I thought she would be a great fashion designer, or hair stylist since she enjoyed creating clothing and hairstyles for her Barbie doll. My mother had asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I told her with great pride that I wanted to be an author. My mother then told me that I should think of another career instead. As a child, I was completely heartbroken; my own mother wouldn't even support me in my decision of becoming an author. Hurt, I asked her to explain her reasoning behind my suggested career change. She said that authors don't make much money and asked how would I support myself or my family if my work did not get published. I know that is certainly not the case now and that there are different areas I could have gone into whether it be journalism, or becoming an English teacher. Before you start hating on my mother, you have to understand that she is a 1st generation vietnamese immigrant working at that time at a grocery store to support 3 kids including myself. Our father had walked out on our family since I was 1 year old so we were definitely poor growing up. My mother was not lucky enough to get an education to enhance our living situation. With that said, in her perspective, a career should generate a sustainable amount of revenue where a person wouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I tried to explain to her that I loved writing and that it wasn't about the money. I wanted to do something I enjoyed. She understood and didn't say anything afterwards. We both went to bed thereafter. I don't blame my mother for anything she said that night. Ultimately it was my choice to continue pursuing what I loved and I shouldn't let a person's comment sway my decision even if it belonged to my mother. Of course, I would have loved it if she supported me, but she decided to tell me what she thought was best for me, the non-sugar coated truth. For some years, I was angry at her for that moment we shared; it wasn't the expressive type of anger, more so of the bitterness type. Now that I've grown and matured psychologically, I'm not angry at her anymore and I don't blame her.

I'd like to say I'm in that profession right now, but I'm not. Maybe one day, I'll be able to publish a book or write an article. As for now I'm currently trying to achieve another milestone in my education, but we'll see how long that takes me. I know one thing is for sure, I won't give up hope and I won't stop trying to pursue the goals I set out for myself even if obstacles arise.