Epiphany

As with all relationships, arguments are inevitable. There was a moment in my life when I thought arguments did not help a relationship. Hey, I was like 7 years old! I had so much to learn and still have so much to learn. Now I'm convinced that arguments strengthen relationships if resolved correctly with mutual understanding from both parties.

I've thought about whether I should write a post about my unflattering moments in our marriage, but I figured this one might help others if I wrote about it.

For a while now, my husband and I argued about the same thing once a month. The way the argument starts varies, but it typically always ended with up with us making up and me satisfied for the time being. That is until recently when we had the same argument again. I'm sure you're wondering what that "argument" is. I can't speak for other women, but for myself, for the longest time, I equated having a "meaningful" conversation with my husband to love or spending time together. If he and I were in the same room and he was watching television, I did not think it was the same because he wasn't "present". I didn't feel like I was spending time with him. He didn't understand why I was upset because we conversated, but I wasn't satisfied with our talks. He would end upset because he didn't understand, or knew how to make me happy or feel better. This time, I had an epiphany. He had said to me that he always loves me even if we're just sitting in silence whether we were watching television or not. He loves me regardless when I'm present or not. He loves me when we're in the car together, or when I'm in the kitchen cooking. His love, our love, does not have to equate to a "meaningful" conversation as I though it had to be. Our love simply is. We don't have to have to have "date nights" where we had to leave the house and watch a movie or go to dinner; our "date nights" can comprise of us enjoying each other's company when we're at the store purchasing items for our home, or daughter. Our "dates" can just be us connecting over a scene on a television show.

My view on what love is was so narrow and categorized that it made us miserable, but now my eyes have opened and I am able to see what love really is. Ladies and Gentlemen, that was my epiphany.

Connecting

This past Tuesday, I met up with my friend 2we for lunch at Cham Sut Gol for some good old korean bbq. I had a final the night before so I decided to indulge myself by eating out. Before I go on, the food was superb. Yummy in my tummy scrumpdiliumptious (my new word).

I enjoy going on "adventures" which can be anything as a trip to the grocery store, working out to a lunch with a friend(s). I love being outdoors which I find a bit ironic because I've never camped out in the wildnerness before with a tent and sleeping bag. Off of the tangent, it was nice to connect with a person one on one. People are immensely connected by electronics nowadays, and to have an actual conversation with a person without using your fingers to type what you want to say is refreshing. I have friends, and yet at times I feel so isolated and alone even when I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me. To be honest, there are days when I feel so depressed and lonely that I wonder if I'm manic depressive. People who know me personally know that I'm practically always happy and even silly if you catch me at the right moment. I go through highs and lows and it's physically exhausting at times. This is new to me; yes I've been down and out more than several times in my life, but this seems more exagerrated for a lack of better word. Maybe this is a such an eventful time in my life that I'm not used to the stronger variations of my emotions. Whatever it is, it feels like for the first time I'm actually "feeling" my emotions. Was I an apathetic person or was I in so much denial that I refused to let my "real" emotions shine through?

2we doesn't know this, but she made my day this past Tuesday. For once I felt like I'm not disconnected from the world. Thanks. :)

I'm contemplating on moving my blog to tumblr because it seems much easier to use, but I'm not quite sure yet. I've gotten used to using blogspot so I'm not too thrilled about relearning how to use a blog site. Any thoughts on this matter is much appreciated.

Another Achievement in the Garden

This afternoon, I finally had time to plant my strawberry plants. While I was placing them into their pots, I noticed that they had already begun to fruit as well. I was estatic! Gardening has become enjoyable to me. I am able to see the "fruits" (pun intended haha) of my labor after putting in the time and effort to nourish and maintain my garden.

It shows me if I apply myself, I can accomplish what I set out to do. I'm sure that statement makes me sound like a child. Sometimes I think I still am even though my age says otherwise. There is so much to learn and see and that is what I like about living in this world. My husband questioned bringing a child into a world he views that is destructive, cruel and unkind. Yes, there are parts of it that could be better and yes there are days when I feel like I may regret so for that moment, but at the end of the day I'm happy my daughter is here and is able to experience all the things life has to offer her.

I'm sure everyone says this about their own child/children, but seeing my daughter smile and laugh melts my heart. I feel like she's destined to do something great/special specifically set out by God. Anyways enough of gushing about my child, what's going on with everyone?

It's a TOMATO!!!

I recently bought a tomato plant from Home Depot 3-4 weeks ago. I am proud to say that it has begun to fruit!

See!!!!

I've never had a garden in my life; let alone plant anything and actually had it stay alive and blossom. As you can see (or should I say read), I'm uber excited about this. I got the "patio" tomato variety where it is essentially a "cherry" tomato. I just bought some strawberry plants a week ago that I still need to plant. I'll let you know how that goes. My goal, gardenwise, is to eventually grow a vegetable garden filled with mint, onions, garlic, lettuce, carrots and anything else I think I'll end up eating or using a lot of. I'm so excited!

Now if only I can channel this success in the garden to my workout regimen.

High School Regrets

I don't know what it is, but April, May, and June are the busiest months of my life it seems. Everything just piles up where it feels like I can barely keep my head above the water.

I've been trying to keep up with my posts because when I'm not blogging, there are a gazillion things on my mind about what I want to write. Unfortunately, those thoughts slip from my mind if I don't write them down immediately.

On a lighter note, I'm thinking about enrolling my daughter into a mommy and me swim class. I was lucky enough to grow up in an apartment complex with a swimming pool so I was able to teach myself to swim. I want my daughter to be able to swim and perhaps learn to enjoy it one day like I do. If I could, I would have a lane swimming pool in my backyard. Hopefully this time around my daughter would have proper swimming techniques instilled in her by her "future" instructors, unlike moi, who had no technique and had to learn it in college. There are some things I regret in high school besides me moving around 3 years out of my high school experience and not joining the swim team is one of them. I had familial obligations the first two years and I ended up working my 3rd year in high school. Although the work experience has helped me immensely in my "customer service" skills, I wished I would have done something in high school that I would have truly enjoyed.

Swimming for me is like running for some people; it clears my mind. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to jump in the pool and do some laps.