Grievance and Sincerity

Picture courtesy of the Orange County Register

I came across a picture of an old friend on facebook that ended up reminding me of a telephone conversation we had. It was during the summer of 2002 when I unexpectedly received a call from him. He was sobbing and had confided in me the death of his friend due to cancer. He had never mentioned this friend to me, or show any indication of being distraught either. I think it's pretty fair for me to say that I was caught off guard. Growing up, I lived a pretty sheltered life; I have only gone camping once and that was with my 5th grade class for science camp. I didn't go to Disneyland until I was 14. I didn't know what rebarb was until recently. I still have lots to learn about items that has to do with managing/beautifying a home. Everyday, I learn something that some other Asian-Americans may already know, but to me it's something brand new. The only time I was close to experience some type of grief was when my mother gave away our dog, Coffee, and I still remember that day very clearly. I did attend funerals of relatives and family's friends, but I had no connections with those people so I felt a bit disconnect from it all. At the time, I did not personally experience grief and I didn't know how to respond to my friend besides the generic "things will get better", "I'm sorry to hear that", and "you'll get through this", that moment has stuck with me all these years. I felt like I could have done more to be there for my friend.

Last year, an acquaintence I knew had passed away at the age of 34 due to heart problems, I attended his memorial at the local billards he used to work at, but I did not attend his funeral. Personally, I want to remember him as when I last saw him, not motionless in a casket. I was shocked when I heard about his passing, but I never cried which I find a bit odd because I do cry during those cheesy moments in drama/romantic comedy movies. I think as I got older and more deaths surround me; I begin to be able to relate in some way. I feel like I am now more able to better console a friend grieving for their loved one.

Recently in the news, there was a memorial service being held for the two marines that had passed away in Afghanistan. On the front page of the Orange County Register, there was a picture of the Sgt. Major Cottle's wife holding the folded flag with their daughter in her lap. It was a touching picture that evoked some emotions that I try not to think about especially if my husband is away on deployment. I can see myself in her shoes; I can see myself crying uncontrollably mourning the loss of my husband, my lover, my best friend. I can imagine all the thoughts that would run through my mind about our daughter; thoughts such as not being able to have a chance to spend quality father/daughter time together, to attend her recitals/games, to see her graduate from college and so forth. I feel for the Sgt. Major's wife. I am truly sorry that she has to experience a loss of a loved one. I say that with the utmost sincerity.